My room is a wreck with borrowed packing bags, dry sacks, sleeping bags, and bought and ordered items, but I think it's coming together. Last night I ruminated over sleeping pads vs. pumped air mattresses (this has kept me up for more than one night) and even crafted a 3AM email to Tammy, one of our ride leaders about which option would be the most beneficial. I know from experience that these middle of the night emails are not my best attempts at lucid communication. Somehow I managed to keep it as a draft and NOT send it. Good thinking on my part because with the dawn came the realization that the question I REALLY needed to have answered was not the one I asked. What I needed to know was how they handled the inevitable problems of broken equipment, failing batteries, and, of course, leaking sleeping pads and mattresses. The resulting email was far less neurotic and I'm looking forward to the answer. Regardless of the answer, I am close to my weight limit for my camping bag

 With just 6 weeks to get ready, my training had to get turned up to 8. I'm too old for 10 and besides, I was already putting in about 100 miles a week with these "rolling" hills we have. The first week I did 3 50 mile rides. I'm slow, so each one took 4-5 hours but Peggy accompanied me on at least one. She's gotten fast which encouraged me to pedal a bit more quickly- but it's really no use. I can go as many miles as you want- I just can't do it quickly. This week I've done 3 60 mile rides. I've experimented with different ways to do it. One was just a flat out 60 mile loop all at once. One was a morning ride of 30, lunch with my school buddies at State Lunch (such a good cheeseburger), and 30 miles that afternoon, and today I did a 30 mile loop, stopped at home to make a sandwich, and rode the loop the other way. I have to say I am not a huge fan of the big break in between. I'm better doing it all at once. I did like the double loop

 It's now August 23. The bike arrangements are all set. My flight is booked. I've gotten tougher tires and thorn resistant tubes (6 of them!) and am prepared for the struggle it will take to get them on. I won't promise my big girl words won't come out. I tested our 2 man tent and found it wanting when it came to rain. Ellen will let me borrow hers, although I will need to reseal the seams and redo the waterproofing on the fly. I found a 20 degree sleeping bag in the garage which I probably will not use but have leads on two others I may be able to borrow. I took a quick trip to LLBean to get more info on bags and it was worth the effort. Jen is bringing dry bags. It is slowly coming together. I am still panicking but at a much lower level. Tammy at Adventure Cycle has been great about answering my questions quickly. And I still have 4 weeks.

 I was so looking forward to the google group meeting on August 17 where I'd get to hear from some of the people joining me on this adventure face to face- or at least as face to face as it gets virtually. I logged on anxiously and was greeted by several members, including our leaders Ankur and Tammy. I'd say about 2/3 of the people attended- Terry, from England, had already bowed out because he didn't feel he'd be coherent enough in the middle of the night. I get it. We did a quick introduction and it took no time at all for me to realize that I was riding up. WAY up. Many of these riders have deep touring resumes. One woman has ridden a century a month since March and has no fear of 12 and 13 percent grades. I am in amongst the titans. I swallowed my rising fear and tried not to be intimidated, focusing instead on their generosity of spirit when it came to sharing packing ideas, items they can't live without, and tips for making the most comfortable experienc

 I had a full 24 hours of restfulness before the panic sank in. What was I thinking? I hadn't been training, save for some 35 mile rides a couple of times a week. I had to be ready for an average of 60 a day for 59 days. I didn't know how I'd get my bike there and reached out to my FB bike friends who offered good advice. I contemplated taking it with me on the plane but ultimately decided to ship it as I have a back-up bike to continue training with. And 5 weeks to bump up the training. And so began the cycle of obsession, worry, and despair as anxiety took over. I didn't sleep well for 2 weeks. I made lists. I struggled with self doubt. I found it hard to think of anything but the trip. In short, I was making myself crazy.

 The email landed in my inbox on August 8th.  " Thank you for your interest in our Southern Tier Fall - Van tour, which is scheduled to depart on September 24, 2022. We are excited to let you know that space has opened up on this tour, and we are able to offer you a spot. If you are still interested in joining this tour, please accept your spot by Thursday August 11, 2022 at 12:00 PM Mountain Time ." I stared at it, not sure it was real. I'd long since decided this was not a ride I was going to do; and yet, here was an opportunity to participate in a second item on my bucket list. I sat on it for two days, ignoring it. But it wouldn't be ignored and so I started talking about it to my husband Greg and my brother Tad. They were excited for me, as was Joanne, my best friend of 40+ years. I started to think maybe it was within the realm of possibility. I recalled how I felt when I signed up in February for the waitlist. I'd grown tired of letting fear of failur